Shinobi Hours
by Krapi
Summary: //Akatsuki drabbles// Being an S-class criminal is NOT easy. They fight for survival, they fight for money and they fight to kill some bloody heathens! But what happens after 'work' hours? R&R!
1. 1 hour passes

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**Shinobi hours-**_The return of the drabbles._

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"You can actually _read?_"

Hidan glanced up from his large book and scowled towards the doorway where Kisame stood; the blue man was oblivious and ignored his scowl, grinning toothily. "Or are you pretending to read to impress Kakuzu-chan?" Kisame battered his eyelashes and puckered his blue lips for extra effect.

Hidan's middle finger was his answer.

"Sheesh, I was only joking!"

The Jashinist waved his hand dismissively, "Whatever, whatever." He brought his eyes down to the book and began to read again.

"…so what's the book called?"

Violet eyes looked up and narrowed. "It's called 'fuck off' by Harry fucking plopper!"

Kisame chuckled and asked again—now waking towards the occupied seat. "I'm serious, what's it called?"

With wide eyes, Hidan closed his book hastily and clutched it protectively to his chest. "Piss off! Go and annoy Itachi!"

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In another room Itachi sat deathly still until he sneezed loudly. "Shit." He wheezed as one of his contacts fell into his cup of hot coco.

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"C'mon! Let me just take a peek!" Kisame made another grab for the book, resulting in his hands being slapped away for the umpteenth time.

The blue man furrowed his brows as one of Hidan's fingers slipped from the neck of the book, making the first letter of the book visible; it started with a 'B'.

One by one, Hidan's fingers slipped away with each attempt that was made, by now most of the letters were revealed and Kisame could read them clearly.

'_B…I…—no freaking way!' _Kisame bit his lip to stop himself laughing out loud, his beady eyes started to water, so he turned away quickly and rushed out of the room—slamming the door on his way out.

Hidan breathed a sigh of relief when the shark man left; he grinned and eagerly opened up his book again, with his mouth agape, feeling awed that the main character could turn water into wine! And healing two blind men! _'Hmmm, maybe this guy could hook Itachi up…'_

'_FUCK YEAHH!!!'_

Later on that day, Hidan padded silently towards the kitchen where he heard most of the members chat animatedly to each other, his stomach grumbled painfully in return so he casually entered the eating area.

Everyone became silent.

The Jashinist stilled immediately and looked towards his red-faced colleagues, they all looked like they were about to explode if someone didn't say anything soon.

Hidan scratched his head warily and spoke up. "Uh…What's up?"

Deidara barked a laugh and covered it up with a coughing noise. "So…I heard about your _light-reading?_" He asked innocently, while the group snickered.

Hidan narrowed his eyes and became defensive. "Yeah, and what?"

"Hey! Chill, its okay for someone to be confused about religion, Tobi does it all the time." The blonde jabbed a thumb towards Tobi for added effect.

Tobi nodded in agreement. "Yeah! At one point I was Jewish and a scientologist at the same time!" He proclaimed, holding up _'the dumbass guide to being a nun.' _

Hidan ignored him and eyed the rest of the group; he clicked his tongue and raised a fine eyebrow. "Who said I was confused? I'm a faithful Jashinist damnit! And what has this got to with the fucking book I'm reading?!" To prove his point, he held up his rosary proudly.

This time Itachi scoffed. "Imbecile." He stood and stalked out of the room.

Sasori spoke calmly. "Hidan…you do know that you're reading the Bible right?"

"And?"

Konan interrupted. "And who is the 'main character'?"

"Jesus…and?"

Kakuzu said finally. "And who is the father of Jesus?"

Hidan gasped and widened his eyes as the group sighed in relief, thinking that he understood what they were getting at.

"Aah! Don't fucking tell me! I haven't got to that bit yet and I hate fucking spoilers!"

Everyone groaned and slapped their foreheads—even Tobi.

They were wrong.

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**Reviews would make my day :) **I'll continue if you guys think it's worth continuing. ^^


	2. 2 hours pass

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**Shinobi Hours**_-drabble,drabble,drabble._

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_Some random bar in Texas…_

Itachi was un-moving as he stiffly swirled another glass of scotch for—what seemed like the hundredth time that evening, before he could bring the drink to his lips a large burley man tapped aggressively on his shoulder. He turned around coolly and squinted hard to get a better look at the man infront of him; his efforts were granted as he was met with burning brown eyes.

"Hey you!" The booming crowd of drinkers turned their loud talk into hushed whispers as the akatsuki member was getting called out. "You made my girlfriend cry." The man growled.

Itachi was un-effected by his tone of voice and echoed his words stoically, taking a hazy glance at a near by table, where a sulking, tear streaked woman sat—who honestly looked like a thirteen year old girl, drowning her sorrows with a pint of milk. "I made your girlfriend cry?"

The man nodded furiously. "You said that 'love is meaningless' and that she was 'merely a vessel for my seed' damnit!" There were low murmurs of _tsk's _and _'oh no he didn't'_

He blinked and spoke nonchalantly. "Oh, I did?"

Not liking his attitude, the guy roughly grabbed his collar and lifted him from his bar stool, letting his Uchiha necklace shine freely from his infamous cloak. The crowd gasped.

"Yeah. You did."

"Can you tell her I meant it?"

Silence.

A tumble weed passed.

A low whistle was made.

"…"

"…"

"That's it!" A large fist began to launch its way to Itachi's face, but before it connected someone cursed loudly, which made him pause and turn towards the commotion.

"Who are you?" The man glared.

"Who the fuck are you?" Hidan shot back.

"Someone that's going to pummel you to the ground if you don't back off!"

"Well shit." He grumbled, scratching his bare chest. "If you're gonna pick a fight, at least let the mildly blind guy get ready, jeez."

The man dropped Itachi in a heartbeat which allowed him to casually dust off his pants with his face still stoic. A moment later he got into a fighting stance and brought his hands into an animal seal, he yelled. "Tsukuyomi!"

Nothing happened.

Hidan scratched the back of his neck nervously and called out to the Uchiha. "Uh…sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart, but you aimed that shit at no one, the guy is to your left not your right."

The sharingan wielder simply grunted at his blind mistake.

"Itachi…" Hidan warned, knowingly.

"No."

"…Put them on."

"No."

"Don't make me put them on for you."

"…Fine." Itachi gave in and stuffed his hand into his cloak, only for it to come out moments later donning something that made the crowd recoil in disgust.

"Holy shit!" A random person hollered.

In Itachi's hand were the most hideous spectacles anyone has ever seen in their life. They were an odd star shape and were barely holding together with some kind of cheap metal plastic, the lenses, however, were the worst part.

They were literally the size of coke cans and once Itachi put them on, his glowing red eyes became ridiculously large and made Hidan choke back a snort.

Itachi blinked and activated his sharingan. "I'm ready." The burley man got ready too, as he brought his arms up.

"Well then…" Hidan started, grasping his scythe from his back. "Let's get this fucking party started!"

"WHAT?!" The crowd shrieked as they eyed his weapon in horror.

"Jashin-sama waits for fucking no one, bitches."

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